Archive for November, 2016

From Great Chasm to Thin Veil – Ten Years Later

Friday, November 18th, 2016

 

 

My Sweet Baby Girl! My how quickly the last 10 years have flown! 10 minutes or 10 days but not 10 years! You were only 18 – you have been away more than half as long as you were here! But you remain so close! Again tonight I am drawn away during these wee hours of the morning to lift my eyes to the hills, to the skies and the glorious moon to acknowledge where my help continues to come from! I have never seen a night sky or a sunrise or a sunset or a blooming flower or a rainbow or any of all creation the same since you stepped across that great divide into eternity and allowed me to see that the “great divide” is only a “thin veil.” You remain so close!  Not one day – not many hours -have you been away from my constant thoughts. I have been changed by you!  So often I have remembered the chorus concert you sang in at the Marriott Monday night before we journeyed to the emergency room the following evening.  Dorman’s chorus had never sung or looked so beautiful as they did that night:     

 

 

      “I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason

 

       Bringing something we must learn

 

       And we are led           

 

       To those who help us most to grow

 

       If we let them

 

       And we help them in return

 

       Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true

 

       But I know I’m who I am today

 

       Because I knew you…

 

       Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

 

       But because I knew you 

 

       I have been changed for good.”

 

 

 

I was moved to tears that night as you sang. In the deepest part of my mother’s heart, I knew something was not right. . . somehow I sensed that could be the last chorus concert you would ever sing in on this earth. You were only a junior – 17 – and yet I wept as if it were your last concert. I knew, at the very least, the tide was changing and senior year and a new chapter were about to begin. And you sang on,

 

           

 

            “It well may be

 

            That we will never meet again

 

            In this lifetime

 

            So let me say before we part

 

            So much of me

 

            Is made of what I learned from you

 

            You’ll be with me

 

            Like a handprint on my heart

 

            And now whatever way our stories end

 

            I know you have re-written mine. . .

 

            Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

 

            But because I knew you

 

            I have been changed for good.”

 

 

 

Oh Hannah, you sang so beautifully! It wasn’t even your voice – you were just born with a song! And all the days you were here, your life sang beautifully! I have missed you so much! We have missed you so much. We watch the changing seasons in the lives of your friends and we wonder what life might be like if you were still living here.

 

 

We have not been the same!

 

 

 

And Hannah, I know that you know even more than I that the only constant thread – the only unchanging part of my life, – the only reason I still have a song – is because the Lord Jesus has never left my side! I have clung to Him, I have cried to Him, I have beat on His chest, I have told Him, with strong emotion that I distain the journey He chose for us. I have told Him how much I wish it was all of us – all 3 of my children with their beautiful spouses and not the empty seat at our table.

 

 

 

But Hannah, even in the midst of my lament, it has always been to the Lord that I have run and poured out my broken heart. And every time He meets me again. Even greater than our pain and loss is the deeper understanding of the constancy of our Heavenly Father! I have never doubted the reality of who You are, Lord Jesus. Peter answered so beautifully when Jesus asked if he wanted to turn back as some of the others, “Where would I go? You have the words of life!” John 6:68  I am so thankful that I knew You and that I know You and that You have been completely true to every promise You have ever made to me!

 

 

 

Oh Jesus, I am so thankful that my hope is in You and not in this life or on this earth! This is not what we have been created for! We have been created to live in perfect harmony and unity with creation, with our fellow man and with You for eternity! It is just around the corner – we are on the next train. Life is truly a vapor!  Oh Father, keep that eternal perspective before me every day when I meet people along my path that don’t have the hope of Jesus that I have!

 

 

 

Jesus, please use my brokenness. Jesus, please use the healing You have brought to this mother’s heart to the praise of Your glory!  Let my life song sing to You! In the strong, mighty Name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!

 

 

 

Bless Your Name, Jesus! The Only Hope – the Only Foundation – that never changes!    

 

 

 

“I will exalt You O Lord for You lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me! You brought me up from the grave; You spared me from going down into the pit! Sing to the Lord, you saints of His! Praise His Holy Name! Weeping may remain for a night but rejoicing comes in the morning! You turned my wailing into dancing. You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy that my heart may sing to You and not be silent!  O Lord my God, I will give You thanks forever!!”  Psalm 30

 

 

 

Oh Jesus, for all of the healing You have given and for all of the eternal fruit You have borne I give You great thanks!!  For Your faithfulness and the gift of Your word that continues to heal, I give You great thanks!  For accomplishing eternal purposes that I can’t see or even understand through my ashes, I give You great thanks! You are my Redeemer and my Restorer!  You are my Hope!  You are my Refuge!  You are my Deliverer!  You are my Healer!  You are my StrongTower!  You are my Reason for living!  You are my Joy Giver!! You are the reason for my Peace!

 

 

 

Ten years later, I still stand on and claim the same eternal promise:

 

 

 

“I am STILL confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!  Wait on the Lord! Be strong and take heart and wait on the Lord! Psalm 27:13-14

 

 

 

My Sweet Baby Girl, may your life and my life continue to speak and bring forth an even greater harvest of abundant, eternal fruit!!  In the Name of Jesus, I pray, Amen!!