Jesus – You are bigger than this hole in my heart!!

Jesus, I felt that heaviness and weight coming over me this week – elephant on the chest feeling – smothering feeling – missing Hannah so desperately!  I know there are so many things we would be experiencing together if she still lived here and hadn’t moved to heaven!

 

25 years old – a season of graduate school, wedding plans, grandbabies, shopping trips and celebrating those milestones in the lives of her friends! I walked into a new “cosmetic” store this week I had never been in – it overwhelmed me – it was totally a girl store and it screamed her absence to me!  I couldn’t get out of there quick enough! Shopping can be very hard!  I knew that if Hannah was here I would know all about that store – but since she isn’t – it is not a place I need to go!

 

I miss her Lord!  And I really can’t imagine that will ever go away!  And you know in my mind – where things can be “perfect” – you can paint a million and one perfect scenarios! But the reality is – nothing on this earth will ever be perfect! The reality is – we are looking for a city that has not been built by human hands! Looking for our perfect eternal home where everything will be set right!  You have placed that longing in our hearts!  You placed the desire for Eden in our hearts! We know this earth is not right – we KNOW this is not all we have been created for! Oh Bless Your Name!

 

And so Lord, on Sunday morning, through my tears, I placed a prayer request in the plate that just said – “Hannah will be 25 on Thursday – we miss her everyday!  I pray the Lord will use our lives because of the journey He has had us on!” That is still my prayer!  Don’t let this huge hole in my heart be wasted!  I know the body of Christ has been praying for us this week – I know they have!  It is amazing Lord!  I know that because by Tuesday morning You were lifting the cloud and giving my joy back!  Thank You Jesus!  You know Lord, I don’t think I ever want to be removed from my heart being so tender and attached to my baby girl! Our children are just a part of our hearts!

 

As I was walking and talking to You this week, the thought came to me that You are bigger than this hole in my heart!  You faithfulness is greater than my sorrow! And You are indeed making beauty from my ashes! You are giving me a new and deeper song! You are setting my feet in a spacious place!

 

Oh Father, I have so much to be thankful for – and I am so thankful – most of all for Your faithfulness over each of our lives!  I see You Lord – I see You!  Help me Father, see You clearer and clearer each and with each passing day!

 

And Lord, one more thing – today is the first day of BSF – 23 years ago today Hannah and I enrolled together in the study of Your word – there is nothing in the world I would trade for that season in our lives together!  You were building a foundation! And because the foundation was built on You, the Rock, it is still standing!!  Bless Your Name!!  Honor Your Word today!!!  Honor Your Word!!!  I am standing on Your promises!!!  In the Strong Name of Jesus I pray, Amen!!!

 

“All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.  People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country – a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.” Hebrews 11:13-16  Amen!  Bless His Name!!

One Comment

  • Selena says:

    Love you Mrs. Debbie… God is bigger than the hole in your heart. What a reassuring truth. My heart hurts for you but I’m thankful for Hannah and how God used her sweet and willing spirit.

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